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Around Tarzanica Continued:

Major British Expedition Planned

The British are planning a secret expedition against the Southern Zulus. South Coast British Consul Sir Harry Outofcontrol has vowed that Chief Chetwayo will be brought under Queen Virginia's rule. The Queen, being thousands of miles away and disinterested, was not available for comment but Sir Harry said he was sure she approved. Analysts say this one may be a close one as the Chetwayo's Zulus field a huge well drilled fast moving army and the local British military command are widely regarded as "not the brightest lamps in the cave".

Largest Man yet eaten by lions on Kulan Plain

LionThe lions are eating well tonight on the Kulan Plain as Liganti, the leader of the Wazin pride brought down a 350 pound American safari member. Safari leader Ted 'Blazin' Gunn said 'The lion got him fair and square so we left him to em.' Locals will r ecall that last fall Liganti brought down a 280 pound to Belgian to set the record he broke with this kill.

French Expedition to try a New 'Flying Craft' to clear the Great Escarpment Cliffs

French adventurer Jean Michel Andre is going to try to clear the Great Escarpment's deadly cliffs on his newly designed flying craft. Although the machine has not been tried, Jean Michel is confident it will fly and allow him to clear the thousand foot cliffs that have blocked all expeditions so far. Others are not so sure, commented Lord Cricketbat, 'If god meant man to fly he would have shown the British how by now."

Arawk Slavers Raid Suhkil River Pygmy

The slaving expedition of Al Katam is raiding the sacred forest of the Suhkil River Pygmy. Normally the slavers avoid the Pygmy because of their ferocity and small stature so speculation abounds that this raid has a special purpose. Al Katam is still not talking to the press after the unauthorized bio in the Ghud Daily Star so we can only guess that he is seeking revenge for his defeat at the hands of the Pygmy four years ago.

Ask Khamis the Witch

Q: I would like to find the lost city of Mukuna that everyone is talking about. Can that be done?

A: No. All who challenge the ancient ones will be destroyed. Their bones will be consumed by the angry gods and their families cursed.

Q: What’s the best way to clean the blood out of a lion skin?

A: Lemon juice and patient rubbing.

Q: I would like to have an expedition of my own, how can I get one?

A: Find desperate and wild men, tempt them with vague promises of wealth but pay them only with death and despair.

Q: How do I tell someone I really don't want them at wedding?

A: Kill them and eat them at the feast. They won't annoy you and they get to come!

Q: Can I save Chief Dorunbo from his evil twin brother, N'kombe?

A: Not likely. N'kombe's plot to kidnap Dorunbo and place him self on the throne is a classic. The only way to foil it is to rescue from Dorunbo from the Masai Lion Men he was sold to and you can bet they will do their level best to stop you. I would give it up and learn to love N'kombe.

Q: How do I stop a Rhino from charging?

A: I am not touching that one.

Gifts Tips

One great way to secure the help of tribes you meet is to present them with gifts. The deeper you go into the hinterlands the less sophisticated your new friends are likely to be. So bring bric-a-brac as well as knives and metal tools but remember, if they find out you have given them junk they will kill you to display your head with the so called presents!